New Craft Beer Bar Plans to Open Without Edison Lighting

With so much craft beer to go ’round these days, it’s only fitting that more bars are either adjusting their offerings to give consumers what they desire or starting their operations featuring really, really good beer. Like moths to the flame, these beacons of social lubrication attract everyone from the “Beer me, bartender” type to the “I’m really angry at this beer and the people who made it and I don’t know why but you’re going to hear my opinion about it because I have an Untappd account that’s connected to my Twitter account and it’s my gosh darn right – one star” folks.

But in this crazy, always-evolving, beer-is-better-over-bitching world, one new craft beer bar is about to do the unthinkable.

Joe and Tammy Schotz of Imperial are on the verge of opening the doors to their new digs, Craftastic, without a single Edison bulb in the entire establishment. They plan to specialize in wings and pizza and will host Hot Pocket night every Wednesday. Craftastic will also have 30 rotating taps of beers from local, regional, and national breweries, but Edison lighting will be nowhere in the vicinity of your tasty adult beverage.

“We went with recess lighting,” Joe explained. “Why? Seriously…we’re talking about the lights now?”

Recent studies on websites that will give your device a virus so we can’t like to them have proven that many craft beers, quite frankly, just taste better when drank under an Edison bulb.

“I pushed for at least one section with the Edisons because I didn’t want us to look like black sheep or something, but Joe was firmly against it,” Tammy informed this reporter who’s beginning to question if anyone is still reading. “We are confident all the other amenities of Craftastic will win our customers over, including Hot Pocket Night…which is exactly what you think it is.”

When asked if repurposed wood was used to build the bar…

“Well of course it was,” Joe said as he slammed his fist on the table. “We’re not heathens. Are we done here?”

Craftastic unofficially opens up next Friday.

 

The Stuck Mash is a thing on Breaking Brews consisting of words, sentences, and paragraphs. Its contents represent a tapestry of flavors, textures, aromas, and moments designed to illuminate the mind, the body, and the spirit. OK, full disclosure: It’s a parody of some shit.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Jason Cercone

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