Bill Frimley, Head Brewer and Founder of A Brewery to be Named Later Brewing has always been on the forefront of beer industry trends. He claims he was the first to brew a New England Style IPA while growing a beard, although no official documentation other than his Twitter account exists to back this up. His taproom featured Edison lighting before Edison lighting was cool and his bar is actually made of wood split by Abraham Lincoln.
Today, all the rage in the beer industry is glitter beer (seen right) because who wants to live in a world where actual human adults aren’t asking if their urine will be shiny and Frimley was not to be outdone in bringing a sparkly offering to his taps. He announced via Twitter: “We are doing a glitter IPA dry-hopped with unicorn tears known as All That Glitters is Not Gold. I may barrel-age some as well because all that sparkles ages gracefully, even IPAs. Line up for it next Friday.”
Alas, the day came to rack ATGING…and Frimley’s glitter creation was missing one important item: the glitter. Thus, Frimley had nothing more than an IPA on his hands, with no shininess, no sparkling characteristics, and no semblance of a beer that’s dominating craft beer circles from one side of a puddle to the other. Knowing no one wants to drink something so simple, Frimley regrettably disposed of the entire batch.
Frimley took to Twitter to report the bad news to his followers, many of whom had been lined up for days anticipating the release: “My heart is heavy and my soul is sad as I report today that All That Glitters Is Not Gold did not glitter, nor did it gold. Down the drain. I haven’t been this disappointed since we got conned into those growlers with the corkscrew bottlenecks that ‘made beer pour from them easier.’ #glitterfail”
With no glitter IPA on tap and no plans to try to brew it again, Frimley has moved on to his next project: a hop printed on the side of his limited can releases that turns blue when your beer is ready to drink. Supposedly, the color changes when beer reaches room temperature OR desired level of coldness, depending on the style. Frimley’s inspiration for this idea came from the news of citizens of Oregon having to venture into a world of unknown circumstances when laws were passed saying they could pump their own gas and half the population lost their shit.
“I’m shocked I came up with this idea first,” Frimley said via, you guessed it, Twitter. “There’s a world of beer drinkers out there who simply don’t know when it’s safe to drink a beer, but the blue hop on our cans is going to solve all that and start a new wave of responsible beer consumption.”
For more ridiculous tweets, follow Frimley on Twitter.
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